angeldragon03 (angeldragon03) wrote,
angeldragon03
angeldragon03

JUST VENT

No one should want to have anorexia/bulimia,to be like we are the ones who have had this illness for sooooo long because its a real illness not just on the outside but on the inside as well. i know i go threw severe pain because my potassium is dangarousely low,low enough that i have to spend a week in the hospital with potassium and fluids running threw my veins wich potassium in liquid form going threw your veins is very painfull due to the thickness of the fluid..and i igree that if your just a wannabe anorexic/bulimic then u should reavaluate yourself and join some weight watchers or whatever but i cant give you tips because i would have to feel responsibe if someone were to die. im a 34 year old mother who has been going threw this illness/monster for 19 years and now my body is that of a 70 year old women. im on here to vent and maybe reach out to some people who are like me not wannabe's because this illness isnt beautiful exspechioly in my mind..i call my illness a monster because thats what it is...and it will never go away and may even kill me in my near future. my life should resolve around my kids and my family but instead it revolves around my illness. my family cut me out of there lives saying its to hard to look at me just when i needed them most but ....no matter how hard i try not to think about food and shit,i only stress and think about it soo much more its a never ending cicle, so i say to the wannabe's this illness isnt beautiful it sucks u into a deep dark hole like a monster and holds u there for all eternity...
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Damn I want to get out but Im terrified I honestly don't think there is a cure anyways I'm stuck and I'm still kinda young so depressing I don't even like to think about it ....thinking about ut to long drives me to suicidal thoughts so I just try to stay positive but I hate this but I dnt think I could live without it ...I'm rambling I must sound crazy sorry
crazy huh..no ur not tht crazy but u can get out u just said your young still and u can get help threw a phycologist i have a phycologist and he pute me on a couple meds like xanex and doxapin for my anxiaty and deprssion exsept xanex is highly adictive but it works to a certin point. i beleve there are difrent levels in eating disorders like there is a point where theres no turning back thts where im at but im thinking your still at your early point where u can turn back before u have to deal with the consaquinces
gosh i hope ur understanding me lol